crossdressing purge binge cycle: How Aveline stopped it

💗 Personal Stories 💗

Throughout most of my teenage years, I kept my love for female clothes a secret,

hiding them wherever I could.

Under my bed became my sanctuary, my safe space.

There, I would have four or five black bin bags filled with women’s tops, t-shirts, jeans, and skirts in every color imaginable

Pinks and yellows, blues, and everything in between.

The fabrics felt incredible against my skin—soft silk, cozy cashmere—and I cherished each piece.

Alongside the clothes, I accumulated carrier bags full of makeup over time, each item quietly representing a piece of the world I longed to explore.

I especially loved when I went to my friend Sarah’s house for a sleep over, we would listen to music dress up drink and just have fun.

Every now and again I would feel this intense shame why was I doing this after all I was a boy – What would my parents say if they knew?

I would gather all my female clothes yanking the massive black bin bags from the safety of under my bed

I would throw them in the bin making sure to cover them with normal rubbish so no one would find them.

I didn’t know it then, but this would be a cycle that I would go through over and over again

In many different situations both in relationships and not.

💗 What Does Purging Mean as a Crossdresser? 💗

For me, purging as a crossdresser was about overwhelming guilt and frustration.

It was that intense feeling of “I don’t want to feel this way—I just want to be normal.”

In those moments, I would gather up all my female clothes, makeup, and accessories—the things that brought me comfort but also shame—and throw them away,

Trying to erase that part of myself. It was my way of trying to stop, even though deep down, the urge didn’t truly disappear.

💗 What Does it mean to binge as a crossdresser? 💗

Bingeing as a crossdresser was the flip side of purging.

After the intense guilt and upset passed, I would feel a strong pull to reclaim what I had discarded—or to start fresh and buy even more.

It was like trying to fill the void left by throwing everything away, chasing that comfort and joy I had tried to deny.

The cycle of purging and bingeing became exhausting, but it was also a way my mind tried to manage conflicting feelings of shame and desire.

💗 My Current Crossdressing Situation 💗

Currently, I’m in a relationship with a wonderful, open-minded woman

She embraces the fact that I enjoy cross-dressing.

She appreciates it as part of who I am. At the same time, we have children with special needs at home

This means I can’t indulge in my interests as freely as I might like.

Balancing my desires with the responsibilities of family life is a challenge,

I’ve learned to find small ways to honor myself while still being present for my family.

💗 My Crossdressing Plan Moving Forward 💗

Because I cannot freely crossdress at home

I am planning on having some crossdress days every year

where I will book a holiday day and just go off and be Aveline for a few hours.

💗 Why I Crossdress 💗

I believe I crossdress because I’m likely autistic and experience gender dysphoria.

Learning about the connection between autism and gender dysphoria was a real “aha” moment for me,

It helped explain why I am the way I am. It gave me language and context for feelings I’ve had for a long time.

I also crossdress simply because I enjoy it and it feels right to me.

💗 How to Avoid Purging and Bingeing 💗

The best way to avoid purging and bingeing is to accept yourself for who you are

This is the best way

You become part of a colourful community

you get to wear what you truly want

And you get to be who you actually want to be.

👧 How I Ended The Crossdressing Purge, Binge Cycle – A Personal Story 👧