Many crossdressers experience something known as the crossdressing purge cycle or crossdressing binge purge cycle – a pattern of throwing away clothes out of shame and later buying them again.
During my teenage years, I kept my crossdressing a secret,
hiding my female clothes wherever I could.
Under my bed became my sanctuary, my safe space.
At the time, I had four or five black bin bags filled with women’s tops, t-shirts, jeans, and skirts in every colour imaginable.
They were hidden under my bed, out of sight but never really out of mind.
Pinks and yellows, blues, and everything in between.
The fabrics felt amazing against my skin soft silk, cozy cashmere I loved each bra t-shirt top skirt and pair of jeans.
Alongside the clothes, I accumulated carrier bags full of makeup.
Over time I had collected foundations, mascara, eyeshadows, and lipsticks.
I especially loved it when I went to my friend Sarah’s house for a sleep over, we would listen to music dress up drink wear make-up and just have fun.
Every now and again I would feel this intense shame why was I doing this after all I was a boy – What would my parents say if they knew?
I would gather all my female clothes yanking the massive black bin bags from the safety of under my bed
I would throw them in the bin making sure to cover them with normal rubbish so no one would find them.
This is known as a crossdressing purge
I didn’t know it then, but this would be a cycle that I would go through over and over again
In many different situations both in and out of relationships.
What Is the Crossdressing Purge Cycle?
For me, purging as a crossdresser was about overwhelming guilt and frustration.
It was that intense feeling of “I don’t want to feel this way
I just want to be normal.”
In those moments, I would gather up all my female clothes, makeup, and accessories
The things that brought me comfort but also shame. And throw them away,
Trying to erase that part of myself. It was my way of trying to stop, even though deep down, the urge didn’t truly disappear.
What Does it mean to binge as a crossdresser?
Bingeing as a crossdresser was the flip side of purging.
After the intense guilt and upset passed, I would feel a strong pull to reclaim what I had thrown away or to start fresh and buy even more.
It was like trying to fill the void left by throwing everything away, chasing that comfort and fun that I had tried to deny.
The cycle of purging and bingeing became exhausting, but it was also a way my mind tried to manage conflicting feelings of shame and desire.
My Current Crossdressing Situation 2026
Currently, I’m in a relationship with a wonderful, open-minded woman named Alisha.
She was the one who first discussed crossdressing. It all started with a conversation about whether we liked exploring anything different.
Up until that point, I had been repressing my crossdressing for a few years. I took our conversation as a sign that she might be open to exploring new things, so I started crossdressing again only for her to find me.
It was a bit of a shock for both of us. We had different expectations, and I worried whether she would accept this part of me. After many tears, questions, and glasses of wine, she said she was interested. That moment marked a huge turning point for me.
Recently, we talked again, and she told me that she loves the fact that I enjoy crossdressing. She appreciates it as part of who I am.
At the same time, we have children with special needs at home, which means I can’t always indulge in my interests as freely as I might like. Balancing my personal expression with family responsibilities is a challenge.
Over time, I’ve learned to find small ways to be myself while still being there for my family—like wearing lip gloss or dressing up when the house is empty. Crossdressing is something I’ve spent my whole life doing, and now, the terrifying part is over. Alisha knows, she accepts it, and she even seems to enjoy it.
My Crossdressing Plan Moving Forward
I cannot freely crossdress at home because we have teenagers with special needs who would become distressed and would not understand what was happening
I am planning on having some crossdress days every year
I will book a holiday day and just go off and be Aveline for a few hours.
Why I Crossdress
I’ve spent a lot of time trying to understand why I crossdress, and I don’t think there is just one simple answer.
For me, it feels like a mix of personal expression, comfort, and something that has always been part of who I am.
Learning more about topics like gender identity and neurodiversity has also helped me make sense of my feelings, but I don’t see it as one single explanation.
I also crossdress simply because I enjoy it. It feels natural to me, and it gives me a sense of confidence and freedom that I don’t always experience in other parts of life.
Everyone’s experience is different, and I don’t think there is one “right” reason
This is just my own journey.
How to Avoid Purging and Bingeing
One helpful approach to avoid purging and bingeing is to accept yourself for who you are
This is the best way
You become part of a colourful community
you get to wear what you truly want
And you get to be who you actually want to be.
I have two drawers in our chest of drawers one male and of course one female that means I don’t accumulate or buy to many female clothes and things don’t get too crazy.
If I want more clothes, I have to donate some to the local charity shop.
I hope like me you too can find a way of living your life the way that you want to.
Strategies for Managing the Crossdressing Binge–Purge Cycle
I will share one strategy that I found useful when in the past I felt like throwing all my crossdressing clothes away
This was to put them in a box and store them at my friend Sarah’s home.
I knew that the purge phase would eventually pass so I would store my clothes with Sarah and sure enough I would be knocking on her door asking for her to give them back.
Which she would always happily do.
Perhaps this is something you might feel useful – you could use a friend’s house like me or perhaps a storage locker or another safe space.
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Community Resources
Gender Identity Support
Beaumont Society
The UK’s longest-running transgender support organisation, offering helplines, peer support, and practical resources for individuals and families.
Beaumont Trust
An educational charity providing information and guidance on gender dysphoria, crossdressing, and transgender awareness.
Stonewall
A leading LGBTQ+ charity offering research, guidance, and support resources for individuals, workplaces, and communities.
Mental Health & Wellbeing
Mind
Provides mental health support, including resources and advice specifically for LGBTQ+ individuals.
LGBT Health and Wellbeing
Offers counselling, emotional support, and practical advice for LGBTQ+ people across the UK.
Additional Support
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